Lead Us Not Into Temptation

I received a call from an ole’ beau’ via my Psychology Today business posting, a couple of months ago. My husband and I were watching TV around 11:00 p.m. on a Sunday night when the call came in. We discussed the missed call. The following morning, I returned the call. Because I know the person is married, has children, and is pastoring a church, I dialed the number and said, “Hello, Reverend, I see that I missed a call from you lastnight. Is everything okay? Is there some type of emergency?” He responded by asking me if I’d forgotten his name in the twenty-plus years since we’ve spoken and inquired about why I was calling him “Reverend”. I told him I had not forgotten his name (and thought to myself… I just want to keep you reminded of who you are). He then proceeded to ask, if he were having an emergency, was I coming to his rescue. Hence, the “Reverend” reminder wasn’t working…the question was coy (playful) and flirtatious. I responded by asking him why he was calling. He explained that someone brought up my name and he thought he’d find me and see how I was doing. He asked why I was being tense and standoffish. I apologized and explained that I am married, with two children, and my husband and I are in marriage ministry and that I usually admonish couples of the dangers of relationships or friendships with old girlfriends and boyfriends. I asked how he advises members of his congregation via pastoral counseling and he shared his perspective which was….”if a person is going to cheat, they are going to cheat regardless of who they are in contact with on or off Social Media sites”….”you have to be mature enough to have a friendship”. He went on to say that he was “sorry I wasn’t mature enough” to have a friendship with an old friend. I didn’t take the “bait”. I wished him the best and hung up. A month later a Facebook friend, former college beau’ emailed me that he was impressed with my postings and proud of the woman I’ve become. He didn’t make the comment on the posting, but inboxed me via my business email account – a simple, sincere, “I’m wishing you well” or “bait”... it’s hard to tell. Hence, I responded with a polite “thank you”.  I can tell by Facebook postings, pictures, comments, etc. that people have different and sometimes mixed thoughts about whether to be friends with ole’ loves now that they are married. Some of us are okay with being Facebook friends and not actual friends, some want to be both, and others don’t want to be either. My husband and I decide together on a case by case basis, with the scripture, “….lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil (Matthew 6:13) in mind.

I think married people should avoid friendships with people they have had strong feeling for and/or a strong attraction to in the past. So, even though I came across as mad at my old friend, I wasn’t mad, I was protecting myself, protecting my marriage, protecting my children and all of the growth and progress I’ve made as a Christian woman. I am mature enough to understand and know what things, people, etc. I should avoid. It’s dangerous to pretend we are not human, that we would never, ever be attracted to anyone else, or that our bond is so strong that no one can break it. Sometimes the danger lies in our flesh, but other times the issue/danger is even larger than our flesh. Ephesians 6:12, reminds us: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers , against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (NIV). What do you think?

Empire State of Mind

‘Empire’ State of Mind

Wednesday night, I watched the Fox Network show “Empire” with my husband; it’s not a show that I watch on a regular basis. Those of us who watched saw Andre Lyon have a ‘manic episode’. He suffers with Bipolar Disorder. It was difficult to watch, not just as a mental health professional, but as a human being. I felt helpless as a viewer; his TV family members stood around him, watching him and feeling helpless. And, most of the time, this is how we feel in reality when we interact with a family member or friend who is suffering with a mental illness. Yes, sometimes we feel helpless, but there is hope!

Yesterday, I attended a NAMIWalks North Carolina event; a pep rally hosted by the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill to gear up for a fundraising event….NAMIWalks NC on Saturday, May 2, 2015 in Raleigh on the Dorothea Dix campus. The speaker for the occasion was Katie Knowles, Miss Statesville 2015. Katie shared her story of being diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety Disorder when she was 8 or 9 years old. She shared that her mother accessed the treatment that she needed, medication and psychotherapy. And, she still takes her medication and goes to therapy, but is moving forward with her life, attaining her goals. You go, Miss Statesville. She got teary at the thought of what she has accomplished and I had to ‘check’ myself….I felt a shout coming on, on her behalf. There is hope!

I am committed to sharing what I know about mental illness to raise awareness and to hopefully free someone from the bondage of silence.

So, back to Andre (“Empire”)…he appears to be suffering with Bipolar Disorder. Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder; a severe form of depression.  Some of us experience depression as “down in the dumps”, “sad”, “tired”, “don’t feel like going anywhere, doing anything”. We feel this way for a day or two then snap out of it. But, when you haven’t snapped out of it in two weeks and have five or more of the following symptoms: 1) you feel depressed almost every day, 2) most days, you don’t feel like doing any of the things you usually love doing, 3) almost daily, there is a significant change in your appetite (decrease or increase), 4) you have difficulty sleeping or sleep excessively most days, 5) other people comment that your movements seem to be sped up or slowed down, 6) most days you feel tired and don’t have any energy, 7) most days, you feel worthless or feel guilty about things that are not your fault, that you shouldn’t feel guilty about, and 8) you have difficulty concentrating/thinking… you may be experiencing Major Depressive Disorder (Episode). There are a few additional criteria for the diagnosis: 1) either depressed mood (#1) or loss of interest in things (#2) must be one of the five symptoms, 2) the symptoms must be causing significant problems for you at work, in your social relationships, and/or at home, 3) the symptoms are not due to a medical condition, substance use (including alcohol or prescription drugs), and 4) the symptoms are not a result of the loss of a loved one (bereavement) in the last couple of months. Major Depressive Disorder can be mild, moderate, severe with psychotic features (includes delusions or hallucinations), or severe without psychotic features (no delusions or hallucinations, but severe interference with work, studying, socializing, daily living). A delusion is a strong belief in something even after you are provided evidence that it is not true. And, a hallucination is the experience of seeing (visual) things that are not real or hearing (auditory) things that are not real.

Sometimes people with Depression start having “manic” episodes that may last a week or longer. Manic symptoms include heightened self-esteem, increased activity/busyness, and pressured speech. These symptoms are usually over-the-top and very noticeable. You will appear to be very happy and do lots of laughing and having a good time. Your self-esteem can become so outrageous that you think you can solve problems you can’t solve and/or have connections and influence you don’t have; you may get involved with many different projects and get little to no sleep; you may exhibit risky behaviors (bad business decisions, sexual escapades, out of control spending, unusual religious connections); you may talk too fast, too loud and too much; sometimes your thoughts may seem to be racing; and you may be easily distracted.

Andre bought a Lamborghini (out-of-control spending); he was unable to make decisions about what needed to happen with Empire because his thoughts were racing; he had an inflated sense of self and was arguing that he should be made Chief Executive Officer at Empire; he was agitated, then he would change moods and start laughing; he appeared to be hallucinating in a couple of scenes; and, he was hyper/busy- pacing, walking, running, and falling.

If you have Major Depressive Disorder and then have at least one ‘manic’ episode that includes the manic symptoms indicated above, you may then meet criteria for a Bipolar Disorder diagnosis.  When you have Bipolar Disorder you cycle back and forth from manic to depressed mood or you may have a mixed episode.

Sometimes when you are suffering with a mental illness, people don’t believe you are sick. They think you have control of your decisions when you don’t. Unfortunately, sometimes hospitalization is required to help stabilize your mood. This is when people finally believe you are sick and then they feel afraid and helpless. There are many people who take their medicine and see their therapists and live positive, productive lives. Keep hope alive!

I will probably watch the show again next week, so I can see how the family deals with the diagnosis. I hope you will, too. And, if you or someone you love is suffering with mental illness, please seek help.